Oh, lordy. My belly is getting heeuuge. And things are becoming...awkward. Some tasks that have defeated me this week are no great loss, i.e., unloading the dishwasher. Others, like painting my own toenails, are everyday joys temporarily lost. Sometimes I feel like internal organs are going to fall out of my rib cage when I bend over. My balance is not so great and I have the beginnings of a pretty awesome waddle. I also cannot see my own feet while standing. What's worse is knowing that I'm only going to get bigger. The thought of this almost horrifies me because seriously, I don't know how much more a person can really stretch.
As if I wasn't feeling enough to begin with, the obvious expansion of my belly has beckoned a firestorm of inappropriate gestures and comments (mostly from strangers) lately. I thought I'd share a few of my favorite choice selections...
10. There's no need to include the fact that I'm pregnant when introducing me to someone - or publicly - because people can pretty much see that for themselves, and it's not your news to share.
9. Do NOT touch my belly. Especially if we've never met.
8. Don't comment on my size. In either direction. Because, hello, if you were growing something inside of you, wouldn't you feel a little bit self-conscious about your appearance?
7. I don't want to hear your labor horror stories. I know you probably mean well and are trying to empathize with me, but please don't, because they scare the living shit out of me.
6. I'm actually a bit surprised how many people have asked me how long my husband and I were "trying" to get pregnant. This question is sometimes preceded with "did you plan it?" Or my favorite, "Did you use fertility drugs?" Umm...none of your damn business. To all of the above.
5. Recently at a party someone asked me how much weight I've gained and whether I was "on track" with my weight gain while I shoveled a second piece of cake into my mouth. You wouldn't ever ask someone that if they weren't pregnant - why would you assume it's okay now?
4. This one is great, too, "Are you planning to have more children?" I don't know. Can I meet this one first, please?
3. There's no need to point out that you can see my belly button sticking out. I'm well aware, thanks.
2. Unsolicited advice on the delivery of my baby - particularly from strangers - really isn't necessary. No offense to the check-out lady at the grocery store. I'm glad the drugs worked for you, but get out of my experience.
1. Please don't accuse me of being hormonal - even if you know (and I know) you're right. Because those hormones will turn on you damn quick. Just sayin'.
All this aside, I have to say that for the most part, people have been incredibly kind to me. Chivalry is not necessarily dead based on the number of chairs that have been pulled out for me, or doors held, or beverages fetched. It's much appreciated, and don't think I don't notice.
11 weeks, 5 days and counting...
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